One of my most popular columns here on Novelspot was my essay "Shirtless or Naked?" So obviously people enjoy having these terse, racy questions posed of them. It occurred to me this morning that there is another terse, racy question we might enjoy asking ourselves, and that is...

Sex or kisses?

I think we can bet what the average guy will say to that, but the average woman, well, that's hard to say. I'm not even sure how to answer the question myself. There are so many ways to look at it. Okay, let's try some of the ways:

I see an attractive guy across the room. If he asked to kiss me, would I want to? You bet. If he asked for sex (even taking out of the equation that I'm married), I would undoubtedly hesitate. Kisses wins.

I fantasize about the attractive guy across the room. Do I think about kissing him? Definitely, every time. Do I think about having sex with him? If I'm horny enough at that time, maybe. But kisses wins again most of the time.

I have a great fantasy about kissing that guy. I have another great fantasy about having sex with him. Which one is more sheer fun? Sex wins this one!

I'm fixating on a particular celebrity for whom I have great admiration, in addition to finding him pretty hot. Reckoning by the number of times I think of a scenario throughout my day, am I kissing him more or having sex with him more? Kissing wins, maybe 75% of the time.

I'm fixating on a celebrity whose sex appeal is off the charts and is his best quality. The fantasy count for this guy? Sex wins.

Checking in on "real life" (what a concept), taking the average hour of the day, which would I rather be doing with my husband? Kissing wins here, too.

But at certain particular times, and you know what I mean, would I choose to totally forego kissing for sex, or vice versa? Sex wins this one hands down.

Now, let's take all the guys, real life, imaginary, and celebrities, that I've ever crushed on, and put them in a room. (Oh boy, lemme at that room!) How many of them would I like to kiss? Well, obviously, all of them. Like right now? Yes, all of them, right now, would be just fine. But how many of them would I like to kiss but do not under any circumstances want to have sex with? Even in a fantasy, when I am in the mood? Maybe it's just me, but there actually are some of them in that category. For example, there are some of them way too much in the father-figure category, like Admiral Adama from "Battlestar Galactica." There are others of them that I actually know in real life (and know their wives) so that even in my imagination, sex would be too weird. But I still think they're hot and would be happy to kiss them.

I'm sure it's fascinating to guys to observe the subtleties of female sexuality. No doubt if they find a woman hot, they have no compunctions about wanting her undressed, etc., if somehow circumstances would allow it. The monogamous among them restrict this just to fantasy, but they feel this way nonetheless. Meanwhile, for the ladies things are way more complicated. There are guys I'd love to kiss but don't want to see naked. There are guys I'd prefer staring at naked than anything else. Other guys really send me, heart palpitations and everything, but I'm not sure I even want to kiss them (let's see...Adam Savage from "Mythbusters" fits this bill). And there are guys I would LOVE to have sex with, to the point that I would even ask my husband for a special dispensation...but there are still certain days that these hottest-of-the-hot guys I would still prefer only to kiss.

So, taking all this into consideration, I guess my vote goes to kissing. Just so long as casting said vote doesn't disqualify me from sex too!

I have a theory to explain all this. (When DON'T I have a theory? LOL) For myself and a lot of women, kissing has a significance way beyond just sensual fun. Kissing is the token of intimacy, the sign that the kisser admires and desires the kissee. Often it is that token that creates the thrill. For example, take my well-publicized admiration for author Neil Gaiman. I don't need to know how good a kisser Neil is to be certain a kiss from him would be heavenly. Why? Well, as crazy as this sounds, because he is one of the greatest writers alive today. I (admittedly irrationally) feel like he wouldn't kiss me unless he liked my writing, and what a thrill that would be, hey? He also wouldn't kiss me unless he accepted my (admittedly annoying) devotion.

And meanwhile, I think that on at least a subconscious level, women have the sense that it is no great hardship for a man to accept sex from a woman. Therefore in that way, a kiss has more value. It seems to mean more than that he is just horny and you are willing.

Besides, haven't we women been taught in movies, TV shows, and books, that the kiss is everything? It seals the deal when the hero and heroine hook up at last. It wakes up Sleeping Beauty, it gets the Little Mermaid her voice back, it makes the violins soar and the credits roll. When did sex ever do anything that cool, hey?

And yet, and yet...yours truly does write books about sex because, well, I really like it.

Tough question this, and in the end, best to have a world with room for both sex and kissing.

So, how about you? Sex or kisses?

Diana Laurence is the author of the Soulful Sex anthologies of erotic romance fiction, and released her last book Bloodchained in September 2007 (www.bloodchained.com). Diana's works are published by Living Beyond Reality Press (www.livingbeyondreality.com.)
Visit her at www.dianalaurence.com or enjoy her blog at www.eroticawithsoul.blogspot.com.