The other day a 12-year-old girl emailed me asking if my vampire romance novel Bloodchained was appropriate for her to read. (Clearly she'd read her way through the Twilight series and was hungry for more.) It was a tough question. I wrote BC for adults, so in the strictest sense, it's not a YA book. At the same time, I had to ask myself if there were content in it that I as a parent would not want my kids to read at that age.

Kids and sex is a very tricky topic. For one thing, adolescence is an inexact science to say the least. A 12-year-old girl could be entirely still a child, with parents who haven't told her a thing about sex. Or she could be well-informed, or even sexually active. Young teens clearly should have parental supervision in this arena (which I why I made a point of telling this girl not to buy the book without involving her mom in the decision). Older ones, while still "underage," should play a part in the decision-making process when making choices that involve sexually-oriented media. Family values, religion, and personal taste all come into play.

Without doubt there is some explicit content in Bloodchained, but it's tastefully and responsibly done. Reading it would hardly damage the average young girl psychologically. But at the same time, an immature reader might not be prepared for the material and find it confusing or intimidating. I can easily picture the sort of kid I would not want reading this book. But had I found my kids reading it when they were twelve, I would have been okay with it. That's because they were educated well enough by me to handle it, and comfortable enough with me to discuss it.

One thing about decisions involving sexual content: They require critical thinking skills, not knee-jerk reactions. Making the right choice won't be easy or quick.

The other day I observed a classic knee-jerk reaction about kids and sex that really angered me. Our local talk radio station was discussing a problem in one of the suburban high schools. Girls were caving to their boyfriends' requests for naked photos, only to find said photos posted on Facebook and the like. The show host was incensed, and went off about how drastically things had changed since he was a kid, and how girls of his era would never do such things.

In my opinion, all that has changed is technology. If there had been an internet and cell phone cameras in those days, you can bet the same thing would have happened. This man was judging today's girls to be slutty, when in fact they are the same as teen girls always are: hungry for love and approval, and not very wise. Even modest girls can be coerced to give a naked photo to a guy they like. "C'mon, don't you trust me?" and "So-in-so's girlfriend did it" are lines that have worked for centuries.

If this guy had paused to imagine what it's like to be a teenaged girl, he wouldn't have jumped to insinuate today's young women are slutty. In fact, it might have helped if he had asked himself, "If back in the 70s I could have gotten to see the naked breasts of the girls in my school, would I have gone to that website?" When I asked my husband that question, he replied, "Of course!" That doesn't make him a pervert, it makes him a guy who remembers what it's like to be sixteen.

And that's the key to figuring out how to deal with your own kids reading fiction with sexual content. Imagine what it's like to be their age. Better than that, ask them what it's like. If you understand where your teen is at regarding sex, if you play a part in how he or she understands the topic, you can fairly judge what is appropriate reading. If the kid can handle it, then let him or her read it (assuming the work is not simply gratuitous).

A knee-jerk reaction will only achieve one thing: convincing your child that you can't possibly understand him or her, and therefore have no right to dictate behavior. And that's a recipe for him or her to act irresponsibly in this and future circumstances.

I don't know how that 12-year-old girl reacted to my reply about Bloodchained. She may have been encouraged or discouraged, she may have bought the book, asked her mom if she should, or decided on her own to pass.

I'm just really glad she was raised to ask.

Diana Laurence is the author of the Soulful Sex anthologies of erotic romance fiction, and the vampire romance Bloodchained (www.bloodchained.com). Diana's works are published by Living Beyond Reality Press (www.livingbeyondreality.com.) Visit her at www.dianalaurence.com or enjoy her blog at www.eroticawithsoul.blogspot.com.